(This drawing was created by Bradley Inman. Brad gave his written consent for me to use it in this blog post.)
Dear Mr. and Mrs. FSBO:
Even as I write this letter, I realize that there is a very good chance that it will be discarded...along with ALL of the other mail/solicitations you have received from real estate agents. Still, I am most hopeful that...when you recognize my name on the envelope...your curiosity will prevail and prompt you to read my little letter.
Although it has been a while since I showed your home, the memory is as fresh as just laundered linens. In fact...of the more than 1500 homes I've shown this past year...yours truly stood out from the crowd and left a lasting impression.
For your contribution to and participation in the world of real estate...I have dedicated a chapter of my (yet-to-be-published) Elizabeth's R.E. Rule Book to you and ALL FSBO's the world over. And, while I do understand that you do NOT recognize the need for (or value of) a licensed, professional REALTOR® when selling your home...I hope that you will accept the autographed copy of my book I will reserve for you. It is just my way of saying ‘THANKS for the memories!'
Warmest regards and best of luck,
Elizabeth Nieves, REALTOR®
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Rule #5: F.S.B.O. does NOT stand for (material) FACTS SHOULD BE OPTIONAL!
( Rule #5 covers the broad spectrum of 'DOs and DON'Ts' that ALL sellers - including FSBO's - should know before placing their home on the open market. Please note that ALL of the following ‘hints' were inspired by actual listings and events. Although I am often guilty of packaging a serious topic in a less than serious wrapper...my intention is always to educate and inform...and to make you chuckle a time or two in the process. )
______________________________________________________________________________
When describing your home's unique features...you may want to mention the PSYCHEDELIC MASTER BEDROOM.
Not ALL surprises are good surprises!
In general, when repainting your home to prepare it for sale...a neutral color scheme is recommended. Nonetheless, a properly measured dose of color can add warmth and make a ‘naked' or ‘cookie-cutter' home more aesthetically pleasing.
However...when I open the door to the master bedroom and see this ------------------------>
...the ONLY warmth I'm likely to feel is the flush of embarrassment that I did not properly warn my buyers.
Moving your CLUTTER from one room to another is NOT the same as ORGANIZING!
De-cluttering a home prior to placing it on the market is one of the best investments of time and energy a seller can make. As a REALTOR®, I educate all of my clients that...in order for a potential buyer to ‘SEE' themselves living in your home...they have to actually be able to SEE the home. A clean and organized home says "Welcome, Mr. or Mrs. Potential Buyer. Have a seat and ENJOY my home." A cluttered home says, "Hey, Mr. or Mrs. Potential Buyer. I wasn't expecting you, but I want you to buy my home anyway...IF you can find it under ALL MY STUFF."
Please keep these three points in mind:
1. IF you are bothered by your own clutter... (YEAH...you know where I'm going with that, huh?)
2. IF you begin each tour of your home with, "Please overlook the mess...we are in the process of packing and organizing"...you may want to delay the packing and finish organizing before the next showing.
3. IF you need 48 hours of notice prior to showing your home to a potential buyer...your home is probably NOT market ready.
IF you choose to NOT disclose...OR...to blatantly misrepresent a material fact, you may want to coordinate your story with your spouse...prior to my arriving with my clients.
This particular ‘hint' may seem a bit obvious...but then again...neither would you think that the makers of Preparation H would need to warn users NOT to brush their teeth with it. You've heard the saying..."can't see the forest for the trees"...right?
IF, upon arriving to your home with my buyers (who have two small children), we hear the neighbor's pack of wild wolves singing howling ‘HUNGRY LIKE A WOLF'...please do not try to convince us that the wolves are ‘sweet and friendly'.
This is a TRUE STORY:
I'm certain that there are at least a few people who are saying..."HUH? NO WAY!" YES WAY!
A few months ago, I arranged to show a FSBO (For Sale By Owner) to a family with small children. As soon as we pulled into the driveway, we were met by the owners of the home AND the deafening sound of nearby wolves howling. I looked at my clients with an expression that asked the question, "IS THIS FOR REAL?"
Seeing our faces, the wife quickly attempted to calm our fears, saying..."Oh...isn't that just a wonderful sound? Those are our neighbor's wolves."
::WOLVES!!!:: 
"He raises them from pups and tames them. They are a special breed of friendly wolves. After a while, you get used to the noise. We don't even hear it anymore."
At that, the soft-spoken husband speaks up..."NOOOOOO...they aren't a special breed of wolves. They are just regular wolves, but you don't have to worry. They have ONLY gotten out of their pen ONE time since we've owned our home."
The wife interrupts..."Let's go on inside and see the home."
The husband continues..."Yeah...the one that got loose only had three legs, but it took three grown men to wrestle him to the ground."
At that point, I saw my client looking around for her children. Then, she said..."Yes...let's go inside."
Moral of the Story:
IF you need the PSYCHEDELIC MASTER BEDROOM to distract potential buyers from the pack of howling wolves in your neighbor's yard...GOOD LUCK WITH THAT FSBO THINGY!
Rule #1 (of Elizabeth's R.E. Rule Book) ***NO NAKED PEOPLE ALLOWED TO 'POP OUT' DURING SHOWING***
Written and Posted by:
Elizabeth Nieves - Broker, REALTOR®
The Elizabeth Nieves Realty Group @ Keller Williams (A Bilingual Real Estate Team serving Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill NC and surrounding areas.)
Search Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill and ALL Triangle Homes for Sale
All right, I was thinking that this was just another of many useful and amusing posts on Active Rain...until I got to the part about the wolves.
That took me beyond amused right into hysterical laughter (tinged with fear!) over the things people will try to rationalize.
"A special breed of friendly wolves"!!! "Took three grown men to wrestle it to the ground"!! I'm still cackling over here.
Glad you and your customers are safe!
Oh Elizabeth! What a great post. It had all the elements to make me:
GBU in your dealings with FSBOS! LOL
Elizabeth, I'm sorry, I'm sure it wasn't funny when it happened but it sure is funny now!! Yes, I could see them forgetting to mention the bedroom (who knows, maybe they like it?) but "friendly" wolves? Maybe you're just lucky they didn't say they have friendly ghosts---Casper comes to mind :)
JUDITH: There is another ironic part of this story that I did not include in the post. My clients ended up buying a home...on Wolfe Lane. Can you believe it? Just can't make this stuff up!! GBU!
SHARON: But...do I get my 'peepee' points? LOVE you new signature. Where'd ya get it? GBU!!
CAROLE: It wasn't...especially because we drove an hour there and an hour back. BUT HEY...it gave me material for this post. GBU!!
Incredible Elizabeth - and too funny - Jeff's acronym for For sale By Owner is
For Sale Beware Of : and then he lists at least 10 things Buyers should watch out for!
( but wolves never made the list LOL)
Great series you have going!
Sincerely,
Grace
Very nice Elizabeth! I am still cracking up over the photo and trying do come out of a trance from your PSYCHEDELIC picture:)
Whoa, Eli! You know I wear bi-focals and now I have a headache that just won't stop pounding! That's some wild color going on there!
As for the wolves...I may have had to say, "Wolves? Wow! Would you excuse me? I have to go see them. I love wolves!" And then the client would have ditched me because I'm crazy. LOL
But your points are wll taken, my dear. Very well taken.
GBU, sis!
It never ceases to amaze me some of the stories that I hear about. What on earth can these homeowners be thinking? Pack of wolves no big deal, what?
Well I see (well I can't really see after looking at the psychedelic spiral - felt like I was back in the early 70's), anyway I see you are back at becoming a novelist. Nice and Yes "Hungry like a wolf!" Well now I've flashbacked and can't remember what I was gonna say....
List and Sell (can't remember the rest) Gary @ RentonHomeFinder
YOU CRACK ME UP!!!
GRACE: NOW...Jeff will have to add wolves to the list. GBU, sis!
BILL: I KNOW! This afternoon...when I was adding it to the post...I started feeling really dizzy. (That was going to be my excuse in the event that my post did not make any sense.) LOL GBU, buddy!
CAROL: HaHa...I'm sorry. I promise the room will stop spinning in a few minutes. As far as the wolves...I like them also...but I would be really freaked out to have 30 wolves living in my backyard if I had little ones. SCARY! Luv ya & GBU!!
P.S. I enjoyed our little chat. :-)
TROY: Tell me about it!!! You should have seen her face when her husband busted her. PRICELESS! GBU!
GARY: You KNOW you love me!! You have to love me...cuz...ummm...well...you just havta! GBU, brother!
Elizabeth - It's a good thing I saw this post after I got home from bowling my league tonight instead of before - I would have never been able to focus on the pins after seeing that PSYCHEDELIC photo. I think I still have a T-shirt like that somewhere that I tie dyed when I was a teen. :-)
That was adorable....I hope you posted it in the Sellers information section!
Wow...talk about insane owners...friendly wolves? That is too funny...I'm sure it wasn't meant to be, but some people are truly deranged. GBU!
Yikes! That is truly terrible, sis.
"Oh, not to worry, the mute beast in the corner is sedated...most of the time. Sorry for the clutter! I have been meaning to mop up the remains of the last couple that looked at the house."
Um, wolves? Ok, well, I live in the great wilderness that is Alaska an I've never heard that one... thankfully. Pretty sure most buyers would take issue with a fellow raising wolves next door... even if only one got out in their tenure. Geez. GBU
wow really wolves - too funny - but the message is clear and precise - sellers need to see and hear this - nicely done with humor and logic
Hi Elizabeth: I just started reading your posts, and was thinking yesterday you SHOULD be writing a Real Estate Book. Sure hope you would - what a talent of telling story, truth and lesson all at the same time! A lot of people can sell real estate, but not many people can tell it as you do.
Elizabeth - That colorful little weird late 60s Acid Trip looking thing on your post is hypnotizing me, believe me I didn't do it. I like the stuff about the wolves and I really like the post.
Oh my. OH MY! Wolves? Elizabeth, loved this post. You're so right, good luck with that one Mr. FSBO!
I love it ma'am, could I have a signed first edition of your book? GBU
Elizabeth, I think you will be writing a very long book, there is so much material out there! Good Luck
F.S.B.O. does NOT stand for material (F)ACTS (S)HOULD (B)E (O)PTIONAL!
Autographed copies of this book will be available at Barnes & Noble when?
Too funny Elizabeth, did you have your clients sign a 'wolf disclaimer'?, I'm sure they're very friendly, you probably didn't need one.....
Wow, I don't feel so bad about warning our out of area buyers not to leave their pocket pets outside unattended due to coyotes and mountain lions.... wolves.... Who'd have thought!
As always awesome information in a "wrapper" guaranteed to make me laugh til I...
Girl you seem to be running into all kinds of nutted up sellers up there but I'm glad you have clients that are looking... now you just have to make sure no bigots running loose with hammers and no wolves next door ... What a job we have.
Elizabeth - you have a great sense of humor - the wolves would have done it for me. I don't think that FSBO sellers realize that they will be held accountable if they misrepresent their property.
Elizabeth - Once again, great blog! I love reading all of your posts and the way you weave humor into them. Keep up the good work!
Elizabeth, this is hysterical! I think you should start putting your book together! It will be a hoot. I just know it!
Not, Facts Should Be Optional. That is hilarious...Thanks for the great post, as always...GBU...Jason
Elizabeth,
Funny! Good. I finally had a good laugh today! Thank you!
GREAT blog, for a/r community here. Have a wonderful week.
DONNA: I think I still have mine also...and I wish I could find it. I still have a little hippy in me. GBU!
JOAN: I'm glad you enjoyed. GBU!
CHAS: I've learned to find the humor in everything...at least MOST THINGS. GBU, sissy!
JASON: Can you believe it? I felt like I was on candid camera. GBU, bro!!
JESSE: First time for me TOO! GBU!
THESA: Thank ya, maam! GBU!
SYLVIA: What a nice thing to say! Thank you so much! I do truly enjoy writing, and I always want to inform but not bore. Thanks again & GBU!
ROBERT: I'm sorry. I just love the pic. Thanks for reading & GBU!
KRIS: I BET it will be on the market for a while. GBU!
DON: You KNOW it! GBU!!
MARY: I KNOW! These buyers and sellers (and agents) are just too inspiring. GBU!
DEBBIE: The husband actually made a recording of the wolves, because he did not think anyone would believe him. He was right! GBU!
CAT: I'll go claim my 'peepee' points from AR now. GBU!
TAMMY: We NEVER heard this STUFF in RE class. huh? GBU!
JUDY: That will show you what desperation will do to you. I think they were so desperate to sell that they had to convince themselves. My buyers were not convinced. GBU!
SAL: Thanks Buddy! I really enjoy a good story myself...so I have to make sure mine are not boring. GBU!
PATRICIA: I'm REALLY going to do it. Just watch. :-) GBU!
JASON: Thank you, my friend! GBU!
SHEILA: I'm glad I could help. GBU!
Very entertaining Elizabeth. Maybe you should actually publish this book if you haven't already. Thanks for the "lesson".
My GAWD! Where the heck do you come up with this stuff. I am subscribing just for the entertainment of it all. YOU ROCK!
I want an autographed copy of this book, too. I'm thinking it will be a big success. We knew her when!
Looking forward to your new book........and makes me want to write my own Chicken Soup for the Realtor's Soul........Ahhhwooooh! :-) What psychedelic isn't Retro? :-)
I am dying here laughing!!! As a mortgage lender, I don't get these funny situations.....of course, we have our own brand of comedy on "the dark side".......!!
Hey Elizabeth,
Sad but true - I've had to clear up some interesting messes when I've listed the properties that owners had purchased FSBO. Lot line issues - title issues - condition issues - all kinds of fun.
Take care, Laurie
A pack of wolves? Around here? And I thought I only had to worry about deer!
BTW I've enjoyed your rules. Let me know when and where the first book signing is scheduled :-)
Ok Elizabeth, I just clicked from you graveyard story to this and I didn't think anyone could top the graveyard one. But you did! I love how you present your info. Where do I buy the book?
Freakin' hilarious.